Reflect, Dwell and Move
In a foreign land I dont feel alienated anymore. It is very ironic and funny because I am a person who loves my country, always had a sense of belonging to where I came from, partly because of my people back home and partly because of the inertia a man suffers from. But now I some how feel freed of that grip of emotion. No! not in regards to my land but the cause that kept me with it.
In my then blinded state and vow not to let "My People" down in times of need, their need which i have lived upto in my earnest endeavour, to my expectations and my promise to myself, I failed to realize there are sometimes you just have to stand up, stand up for what you believe in and more importantly yourself. Now I understand that there is no point in taking it lying low just to keep the smiles flowing. No, I am not saying this in angst, then it would annul the whole intention of this explosion, i am writing this in disgust and a wretched sense of distaste and moist eyes. To compromise without levelling out things is the worst punishment anybody can suffer especially because you have meted it out to yourself. Talk about rubbing salt into the wound. Now who defines who "My People" are? The ones whom I am related to by blood? Or the ones to whom I am related to by choice, by choice of my free will? I reflect....
With the "blood people", from what i have known,there are lies, there is jealousy in the peers and contemporaries, oh, and as someone chose as a mask, there are superstitions, there is a feeling that is difficlut for me to understand, it is someting like this " I know I fell, at the least I didnt fall as bad as him". Now is that any way to lift your spirits up? Is that supposed to make you feel better about your falling? The inertia that I was talking about has a telling influence in this circle. How? Once, how ever early in life, you get on to the offensive or the defensive or forgiveness or the "forget it " mode, you are expected never to break this and continue in the glorious lane that you have accepted once. Matters of the heart, blood and tears compel you to do so. Now, it is not all that bad, if you are lucky or have been smart or have been just born with certain traits, you win all the time. You win despite the sleaze, down trodden poignant plasticity and not to forget the fecund lie :). Only the really lucky have the intermediate stages of suspended judgement in its all true fairness. All this despite the ever tacit love. God save the world. Some one rightly said, the world is a stage and we are all actors. And what actors we have become! The choice that you make, irrespective of your age, your diction, your beliefs, your prayers , your fears or your hope is made the monolith of judgement, made permanent, made unimpeachable. There is no turning back. What ever happened to personal freedom to hope,to hope that someday will be better than today!!! And you wait, like a whore waiting for her Knight in the shining armour, who does come, sweep her off her feet but at the end of the day pays her for her services. Pathos! I dwell....
Ah Yes! The chosen people, with them too there are lies, there is jealousy, there is contempt and there is inertia again. But there is equality, love, desperation for one another irrespective of traits that you are born with, these once you have been accepted. The are shoulders that are not yours but still your very own. There are families that are not yours still your very own. There is love that is all yours but still not your very own. It cant exist that way you see! There are failures of judgement, but the choice is still free to be chosen. The art of rectifying is not lost. Even if things go wrong, you have your self to blame and not Destiny or fate, I cant differntiate between the two though. These chosen people , this set, might change from time to time, still you have to freedom to choose your people. Now I know how the term "The Chosen One" was coined. It is this freedom that is primary to a being that is absent elsewhere. I move....smiling.....
Atleast the white light can be split into different specific colors, I wish though there was a prism for us, I am sure we would be surprised to see many new colors...different shades...each...as i reflect , dwell and move...the stage is here, the actors articulate...and the show goes on...
In my then blinded state and vow not to let "My People" down in times of need, their need which i have lived upto in my earnest endeavour, to my expectations and my promise to myself, I failed to realize there are sometimes you just have to stand up, stand up for what you believe in and more importantly yourself. Now I understand that there is no point in taking it lying low just to keep the smiles flowing. No, I am not saying this in angst, then it would annul the whole intention of this explosion, i am writing this in disgust and a wretched sense of distaste and moist eyes. To compromise without levelling out things is the worst punishment anybody can suffer especially because you have meted it out to yourself. Talk about rubbing salt into the wound. Now who defines who "My People" are? The ones whom I am related to by blood? Or the ones to whom I am related to by choice, by choice of my free will? I reflect....
With the "blood people", from what i have known,there are lies, there is jealousy in the peers and contemporaries, oh, and as someone chose as a mask, there are superstitions, there is a feeling that is difficlut for me to understand, it is someting like this " I know I fell, at the least I didnt fall as bad as him". Now is that any way to lift your spirits up? Is that supposed to make you feel better about your falling? The inertia that I was talking about has a telling influence in this circle. How? Once, how ever early in life, you get on to the offensive or the defensive or forgiveness or the "forget it " mode, you are expected never to break this and continue in the glorious lane that you have accepted once. Matters of the heart, blood and tears compel you to do so. Now, it is not all that bad, if you are lucky or have been smart or have been just born with certain traits, you win all the time. You win despite the sleaze, down trodden poignant plasticity and not to forget the fecund lie :). Only the really lucky have the intermediate stages of suspended judgement in its all true fairness. All this despite the ever tacit love. God save the world. Some one rightly said, the world is a stage and we are all actors. And what actors we have become! The choice that you make, irrespective of your age, your diction, your beliefs, your prayers , your fears or your hope is made the monolith of judgement, made permanent, made unimpeachable. There is no turning back. What ever happened to personal freedom to hope,to hope that someday will be better than today!!! And you wait, like a whore waiting for her Knight in the shining armour, who does come, sweep her off her feet but at the end of the day pays her for her services. Pathos! I dwell....
Ah Yes! The chosen people, with them too there are lies, there is jealousy, there is contempt and there is inertia again. But there is equality, love, desperation for one another irrespective of traits that you are born with, these once you have been accepted. The are shoulders that are not yours but still your very own. There are families that are not yours still your very own. There is love that is all yours but still not your very own. It cant exist that way you see! There are failures of judgement, but the choice is still free to be chosen. The art of rectifying is not lost. Even if things go wrong, you have your self to blame and not Destiny or fate, I cant differntiate between the two though. These chosen people , this set, might change from time to time, still you have to freedom to choose your people. Now I know how the term "The Chosen One" was coined. It is this freedom that is primary to a being that is absent elsewhere. I move....smiling.....
Atleast the white light can be split into different specific colors, I wish though there was a prism for us, I am sure we would be surprised to see many new colors...different shades...each...as i reflect , dwell and move...the stage is here, the actors articulate...and the show goes on...
posted by Vivek C.A at 9:55 AM
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