Thursday, December 07, 2006

Selfish Surrender- the fiat.

A conversation between the halves of a brain:

“Have you ever wondered why we go wrong? Why we are so easily deceived by a smile?” asked Left.
“We are not deceived!” said Right. “We just do what we want to.”

“Then why do we do things for other people when they don’t do anything for us? Why do we go out of our way to keep people happy? Why do we love some people so much? We don’t gain anything from it. We do so many things to keep people we love comfortable but we don’t even get as much as a thought. Everybody else is so busy in doing things for themselves without even including us in their day, doing things sometimes without even thinking how it might affect us. Sometimes I wonder if they even think about me, what I might be doing, how they affect us, how to make me feel comfortable too, what they can do to put a smile on my face. How the things they do can affect us negatively, whether they are really truthful to me. I have given up so many things for them, totally and completely. I have sacrificed various things that were important to me for them. Still there is no solace in the mirror when I look back. Where is the Sun I am seeking and deserve, where is the arm that should be there when I want to hold it? Where Right, then are the actions to make things easier for me, at least some intuition of my necessities! Is nothing unconditional at all?”

“Left, the moment you did something with the mindset that you were doing it for someone else, you became your worst enemy! Nobody does anything for anybody else. People go about doing things because they want to do it or have to do it. Either way it for themselves, there is no euphemism here. Everybody is selfish. A mother takes good care of her child because it is HER child. People religiously go about fulfilling their duties either because they deem they have to or because they fear that they might incur fingers pointing at them if they didn’t. Either way it is to satisfy themselves or keep themselves off the blame when they do give a damn for such things.The emotion of possessiveness comes from the same feeling of greed and selfishness. I, ME, Mine are very important in these traits. You do things because it pleases you. A man deeply in love does everything for his woman because that is what he wants to do. Because the smile on her face is his selfish goal. The kiss he gets his reward. The love that he experiences is his reward. His reward not for his selfless love, but for the exact opposite. You did everything then because you expected it back, then is that not selfish? There is nothing wrong in being so; it is a quality inherent in us ever since the age of survival of the fittest dawned on us living things. Why should anybody care or think about you, how their actions affect you or even reminisce how nice you have been to them? Even you were so busy doing things for them for your own selfish reason. You say you have sacrificed a lot for them, how then do you expect other people to give you a second thought when you yourself haven’t bothered to. The Sun you were seeking was very much there but you eclipsed it! You are under the assumption that you were responsible for certain pleasures of other people and that you originated them. Is it fair for the wind that causes the ripple on the surface of a water body to assume that it actually displaced a particle when in fact the particles don’t dislodge. The answer in the mirror that you were seeking is like seeking the half-remembered dream. The dream is real enough to remain in your mind but not real enough to surface. There is nothing unconditional at all! Love is conditional. I’d rather have my woman love me for things I am capable of or for things I have achieved or simply for things I posses. If my woman told me she loves me unconditionally that should actually make me nervous shouldn’t it? I love my woman because I am happy with her, she makes me feel comfortable, because she pampers me, because she has the best of the worlds that I recognize. I love her for things that are very important to me and for a totally selfish reason. For myself! Because I believe in having the best for myself, in materials and metaphysical worlds. She is the best I have found and I seek. She has everything to offer that I yearn. Now do you see the simple truth on conditional love. I’d rather have her love me conditionally because then I have something for her to hold on to, something that will keep her interest in me kindled, even if it means that I have to have something new every time or I have to re-invent myself continually. This I would do to keep myself happy because I want her. The basic underlying principle of existence. For if she didn’t, then I have nothing special to offer. Her altruistic nature is not a tether strong enough for me to feel comfortable, and then it means that she loves me out of some unforeseen sympathy. And this could be directed towards anybody else too, as I am no special to her! What if she leaves you ask me! If you understand what I have said, then this consequence shouldn’t hurt too much. She leaves for her interests, then you shouldn’t hold arguments of your doings for her because again whatever it was that you did, you did it for yourself, for your personal satisfaction of having a glimpse of that smile you were seeking. Be content at least that you did what you wanted. Memories remain, touch lingers but time doesn’t! You win when you surrender, surrender to yourself and the best within you and the best from the world you seek.”

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