Come Undone

Have you ever stared into nothing but found some answers you were looking for? Have you ever been indifferent to pain or pleasure; not because you are stoic but because after a point it doesn't matter? have you ever found truth in the most outrageous satire and even worse, accept it because you didn't stop yourself before?...I am so confused and dazed...because if the answer to any of these question is a "Yes"...how do you define a boundary? Who am I or is it more like what am I? How do you know where to start?

Timing

I'd rather have what I want when I want it, than have everything I could ever want when I don't!

Look Ahead...

While you are on the move

Think about the time, ours

The heart that you stow...

The minutes disguising the hours

While you are on the move........

The mornings mellowed to the evenings..

the dusk drawn to dawn...

The flight of the second needle

The roses and the thorns...

While you are on the move........

You fill fullness into void

bring life to the hollowness of my arms

light up the night of my day

And ignite the day of my night ;-)

While you are on the move........

lets continue this song...

till we redefine long...

You have but manifested me...

GOD!!! was it you or the vociferous sea???

While you are on the move........it is not my heart, but my trust...my ego!

Selfish Surrender- the fiat.

A conversation between the halves of a brain:

“Have you ever wondered why we go wrong? Why we are so easily deceived by a smile?” asked Left.
“We are not deceived!” said Right. “We just do what we want to.”

“Then why do we do things for other people when they don’t do anything for us? Why do we go out of our way to keep people happy? Why do we love some people so much? We don’t gain anything from it. We do so many things to keep people we love comfortable but we don’t even get as much as a thought. Everybody else is so busy in doing things for themselves without even including us in their day, doing things sometimes without even thinking how it might affect us. Sometimes I wonder if they even think about me, what I might be doing, how they affect us, how to make me feel comfortable too, what they can do to put a smile on my face. How the things they do can affect us negatively, whether they are really truthful to me. I have given up so many things for them, totally and completely. I have sacrificed various things that were important to me for them. Still there is no solace in the mirror when I look back. Where is the Sun I am seeking and deserve, where is the arm that should be there when I want to hold it? Where Right, then are the actions to make things easier for me, at least some intuition of my necessities! Is nothing unconditional at all?”

“Left, the moment you did something with the mindset that you were doing it for someone else, you became your worst enemy! Nobody does anything for anybody else. People go about doing things because they want to do it or have to do it. Either way it for themselves, there is no euphemism here. Everybody is selfish. A mother takes good care of her child because it is HER child. People religiously go about fulfilling their duties either because they deem they have to or because they fear that they might incur fingers pointing at them if they didn’t. Either way it is to satisfy themselves or keep themselves off the blame when they do give a damn for such things.The emotion of possessiveness comes from the same feeling of greed and selfishness. I, ME, Mine are very important in these traits. You do things because it pleases you. A man deeply in love does everything for his woman because that is what he wants to do. Because the smile on her face is his selfish goal. The kiss he gets his reward. The love that he experiences is his reward. His reward not for his selfless love, but for the exact opposite. You did everything then because you expected it back, then is that not selfish? There is nothing wrong in being so; it is a quality inherent in us ever since the age of survival of the fittest dawned on us living things. Why should anybody care or think about you, how their actions affect you or even reminisce how nice you have been to them? Even you were so busy doing things for them for your own selfish reason. You say you have sacrificed a lot for them, how then do you expect other people to give you a second thought when you yourself haven’t bothered to. The Sun you were seeking was very much there but you eclipsed it! You are under the assumption that you were responsible for certain pleasures of other people and that you originated them. Is it fair for the wind that causes the ripple on the surface of a water body to assume that it actually displaced a particle when in fact the particles don’t dislodge. The answer in the mirror that you were seeking is like seeking the half-remembered dream. The dream is real enough to remain in your mind but not real enough to surface. There is nothing unconditional at all! Love is conditional. I’d rather have my woman love me for things I am capable of or for things I have achieved or simply for things I posses. If my woman told me she loves me unconditionally that should actually make me nervous shouldn’t it? I love my woman because I am happy with her, she makes me feel comfortable, because she pampers me, because she has the best of the worlds that I recognize. I love her for things that are very important to me and for a totally selfish reason. For myself! Because I believe in having the best for myself, in materials and metaphysical worlds. She is the best I have found and I seek. She has everything to offer that I yearn. Now do you see the simple truth on conditional love. I’d rather have her love me conditionally because then I have something for her to hold on to, something that will keep her interest in me kindled, even if it means that I have to have something new every time or I have to re-invent myself continually. This I would do to keep myself happy because I want her. The basic underlying principle of existence. For if she didn’t, then I have nothing special to offer. Her altruistic nature is not a tether strong enough for me to feel comfortable, and then it means that she loves me out of some unforeseen sympathy. And this could be directed towards anybody else too, as I am no special to her! What if she leaves you ask me! If you understand what I have said, then this consequence shouldn’t hurt too much. She leaves for her interests, then you shouldn’t hold arguments of your doings for her because again whatever it was that you did, you did it for yourself, for your personal satisfaction of having a glimpse of that smile you were seeking. Be content at least that you did what you wanted. Memories remain, touch lingers but time doesn’t! You win when you surrender, surrender to yourself and the best within you and the best from the world you seek.”

Tribute.

Tribute…

The delusions, the facts…
The fights and the various pacts
The dusk and dawn
The emotions drawn


The gallivanting pain, the fugacious ecstasy
The arms that you filled, the kiss that you kissed
The poignant grief, the plethora of utopia
The pregnant relationship, the aborted love

The language of holding hands –the art
Take love home-open your heart
Cherish, cry, wail, smile, live, die-you should
Go through it once more-happily you would!

The laughter should remain a tribute
They are mementos of life, of its grace
It commanded your soul, life and mind and body
Don’t fumigate it, it’s a song, not a threnody!

Don’t go through a book
Read it.
Don’t fantasize!
Live it.

Life’s calling ….answer
Don’t try to…but live it…don’t pry
Smile should be what it is , not an alibi.
Emotions are a charade, a parade.
Make it real,Let’s not masquerade.

No Strings Attached!

No Strings Attached.....
There were two people, a mom and a daughter.
They loved each other and nothing else seemed to matter.
The daughter was growing, she would soon go to school,
The mom was worried, she had money to pool.

The mom worked hard and sent the daughter to learn,
She said, “Study hard my child, you have a lot to earn.”
To the daughter her mom was a goddess, the best there could be,
If life were a struggle, together they would see.

Things were not easy, life became rough,
Seeing mom’s problems, the daughter became tough.
Mom worked very hard and provided with the best she could,
Aware, the daughter killed her wants and with it her childhood.

She saw frocks with frills and laces,
She could not care too much.
Life was full of tasks and races,
She wanted only her mom’s touch.

The time did fly, the pendulum did sway,
Each worked hard for tomorrow and for today.
They sat at dinner and nothing much they would say
They had grown up and apart, each in their own way!

Mom said, “ I earned so much today.” and daughter wouldn’t notice,
Mom earned pretty well but to her wants it didn’t suffice.
Daughter announced “I won a prize today!” but the mom didn’t hear,
They were next to each other but were farther than near.

Unhappy they lay in bed that night,
With lots on their minds and tears to fight.
“We have everything!” the mom thought, “what could be wrong?”
“Where is my mother?” the daughter thought, “Life was such a song!”

There were two people, a mom and a daughter.
They loved each other and nothing else seemed to matter.
Now the love was lost and with it the tether,
They lived their lives no more together!

This was just a story of a mom and a daughter,
Who loved each other and nothing else mattered.
Act fast and act now for minutes are few,
Act now lest this happens to you.

Money, Wealth, Success and all that Jazz

Money, Wealth, Success and all the Jazz……

“Money is not everything”; “Money can’t buy love!”- Maybe or maybe not. Money! Just what is it? Why should it be everything or nothing at all?

Money…
Don’t ever disrespect money. It is anything but trivial. It is that single estimate of one’s capability. A man’s earning power, his value. It is that tool with which we quantify the use of a human’s body, mind. I am not making any references to such things that are abstract and not tangible as a soul. It is that value you attach too a product of utility. It is that bench mark that can e used and is used to differentiate nations, cultures, abilities, superiority or just plain old fashioned luck.


Why should any one pay me for my work? Why should I command a salary? Money is the standardised measure of a perceived value and the benefit of the existence of a product/human or something. It is the scale of your worth. Now doesn’t that appeal to you…YOUR WORTH! The feed for your ego, the justification of your being. The single most tangible resource of any value to you, YOU! It is that single fathomable achievement of your victory over oblivion.

Someone with a vast experience in affairs of life, money and everything that life has to offer after having born, told me that money is not all important and there is more to life than money. I am sure! But try telling that to a person who has gone hungry for a week because there is no food, try telling that to a boy who couldn't play because he couldn't afford the accessories of the sport, try telling that to a girl who is not confident of wooing her chosen boy because she can't afford the beauty parlour and is not confident that she is presentable! I have met these people and know what it is, now try telling me!

Wealth…
This is diverse aspect of one’s assets. It is the collective capability of an individual in the whole sphere of the strings that he can pull, aces that he can come up with, a slap that he can answer. Money, brain, people, family, innovative capability, differentiability! So is money important when you have different sources of wealth? Of course! You can’t have something of value if you cant trade it unless it is something abstract. Trade family, people? Heartless as it might seem, my statement, open your eyes. It is the reality, the real apt term to use. Whenever you fall back or have fallen back on the cushion of your family/their money/help, you are trading their contribution or just betting on the comfort factor of its existence on a particular situation. The important thing that experience might reveal to you is that wealth indeed need not have a positive influence on your existence. Forces of nature in terms of self concerned qualities have a different effect, just add in the adjectives that you may so desire…pardon the euphemism. Believe me we are all wealthy whether we like it or not.

Success…
The most sought after and a cliché, the raison d'être of life. The easily recognisable feeling but from the most intriguing source. The single individual feeling that annuls the necessity of the want of a human, depending on personal definitions of this word. Leaning on the way you perceive the feeling of success. Making money? Being wealthy in all its components? “Money can’t buy love!” Well why should you compare a physical entity with an abstract one? They may or may not be cause and effect. But this is what makes It difficult to describe this penumbra of the effects of the ambitions, views and individuality.
Success may be in your ability or accomplishment to make money, be wealthy, win a game, smile as you die, take pain, laugh, cry, kiss…anything. Sure money cant buy all these, it cant buy life…but my previous argument still holds.
Success can even be that smile on the one person who matters most to you, and knowing that you are the reason/cause/source of it, the difference that you have made or the feeling of contentment that you have brought with yourself.

Now what’s your quest? I don’t care much about wealth, I am yet to arrive in terms of money but from the last point I made about success, I deem myself successful…hey! What happened to fate, luck and destiny?

Reflect, Dwell and Move

In a foreign land I dont feel alienated anymore. It is very ironic and funny because I am a person who loves my country, always had a sense of belonging to where I came from, partly because of my people back home and partly because of the inertia a man suffers from. But now I some how feel freed of that grip of emotion. No! not in regards to my land but the cause that kept me with it.

In my then blinded state and vow not to let "My People" down in times of need, their need which i have lived upto in my earnest endeavour, to my expectations and my promise to myself, I failed to realize there are sometimes you just have to stand up, stand up for what you believe in and more importantly yourself. Now I understand that there is no point in taking it lying low just to keep the smiles flowing. No, I am not saying this in angst, then it would annul the whole intention of this explosion, i am writing this in disgust and a wretched sense of distaste and moist eyes. To compromise without levelling out things is the worst punishment anybody can suffer especially because you have meted it out to yourself. Talk about rubbing salt into the wound. Now who defines who "My People" are? The ones whom I am related to by blood? Or the ones to whom I am related to by choice, by choice of my free will? I reflect....

With the "blood people", from what i have known,there are lies, there is jealousy in the peers and contemporaries, oh, and as someone chose as a mask, there are superstitions, there is a feeling that is difficlut for me to understand, it is someting like this " I know I fell, at the least I didnt fall as bad as him". Now is that any way to lift your spirits up? Is that supposed to make you feel better about your falling? The inertia that I was talking about has a telling influence in this circle. How? Once, how ever early in life, you get on to the offensive or the defensive or forgiveness or the "forget it " mode, you are expected never to break this and continue in the glorious lane that you have accepted once. Matters of the heart, blood and tears compel you to do so. Now, it is not all that bad, if you are lucky or have been smart or have been just born with certain traits, you win all the time. You win despite the sleaze, down trodden poignant plasticity and not to forget the fecund lie :). Only the really lucky have the intermediate stages of suspended judgement in its all true fairness. All this despite the ever tacit love. God save the world. Some one rightly said, the world is a stage and we are all actors. And what actors we have become! The choice that you make, irrespective of your age, your diction, your beliefs, your prayers , your fears or your hope is made the monolith of judgement, made permanent, made unimpeachable. There is no turning back. What ever happened to personal freedom to hope,to hope that someday will be better than today!!! And you wait, like a whore waiting for her Knight in the shining armour, who does come, sweep her off her feet but at the end of the day pays her for her services. Pathos! I dwell....

Ah Yes! The chosen people, with them too there are lies, there is jealousy, there is contempt and there is inertia again. But there is equality, love, desperation for one another irrespective of traits that you are born with, these once you have been accepted. The are shoulders that are not yours but still your very own. There are families that are not yours still your very own. There is love that is all yours but still not your very own. It cant exist that way you see! There are failures of judgement, but the choice is still free to be chosen. The art of rectifying is not lost. Even if things go wrong, you have your self to blame and not Destiny or fate, I cant differntiate between the two though. These chosen people , this set, might change from time to time, still you have to freedom to choose your people. Now I know how the term "The Chosen One" was coined. It is this freedom that is primary to a being that is absent elsewhere. I move....smiling.....

Atleast the white light can be split into different specific colors, I wish though there was a prism for us, I am sure we would be surprised to see many new colors...different shades...each...as i reflect , dwell and move...the stage is here, the actors articulate...and the show goes on...